Mentoring Our Boys –

New Website for Squires2Knights Ministries

Check out the new website at http://squires2knights.com. It’s a little cleaner and more masculine that the old design. I think it’s also laid out better. If it’s your first time on the site, see if there’s anything there for you. We’re equipping men to mentor our boys.

You can also find my recommendations for books relating to mentoring our boys at http://squirestoknight.com.

Posted on April 1st, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

CAN’T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS

I’ll start with three simple points. First, men are pretty much set in their ways. It’s hard to affect change in their lives. This leaves families with many work-a-holic men who fall short of fulfilling God’s plan for them at home.

Second, boys are impressionable. They look to their role models and are willing to learn from mentors. All they need are mentors to provide the right kind of manhood training.

Third, while men are set in their ways, they can change. They just need the right kind of push. Men’s ministries are affecting change in men all across our country. But I am convinced that if men believe their boys need them, if they understand the threats on their boys, if they know what their boys can accomplish through their fatherly mentorship, men will come through. This could be the most effective way to change men – make them mentors.

According to Robert Lewis, “Men assume social responsibility most naturally and effectively when (1) it is clear to them that the primary responsibility for the well-being of others rests on them and that others are relying on them, and (2) when they have been trained from an early age by the men in their lives to recognize and assume that responsibility faithfully.” Part one of his statement is fulfilled by making men into mentors. Part two becomes a reality for the next generation of men when today’s men realize part one.

For mentoring resources go to squires2knights.com

Posted on March 22nd, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Compound Return, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

Rule of Compound Return

No doubt, you’ve seen an illustration of the rule of compound return on investment? A simple comparison of money tucked away in a jar verses an interest bearing investment. The example validates the impact of compound return. First, the illustration demonstrates the results of saving, say, $1,000 per year. After ten years, $10,000 is accumulated. After fifty years - $50,000.

Next, the illustration demonstrates the results of growth on an interest bearing investment. The simple interest on an annually invested $1,000 over fifty years, at 10% per year, culminates to become $177,500. But the rule of compound return on an annual interest rate of 10%, adds up to 1.28 million dollars. Not bad.

Investing with an Entrepreneurial Spirit

Let’s take this rule of compound return and add to it a touch of creativity and discipline. An entrepreneurial investor could save his $1,000 per year, invest the money at the long-term average interest rate of 10%, and then add an additional token amount of money. If he added a mere $200 per year (realized by drawing a small income from a hobby, let’s say writing or painting or woodwork or teaching piano or photography or graphics design or - you get the picture), he would accrue a portfolio equal to 1.54 million. That’s an additional $260,000 realized from the proceeds of a hobby. Now, let’s say our investor then saved $10,000 every five years by purchasing a used car instead of a new car (and invested the savings). After fifty years, this creative and disciplined investor could accrue as much as 3.63 million dollars from the same nominal sacrifice of $1,000 per year. That’s almost three times that of the above basic fifty year savings plan with compound return - just by enjoying a hobby and driving a used car.

What Does This Have to Do With Mentoring Boys?

I am so encouraged by how God has moved through Christian ministries in our country and throughout the world. We are seeing His blessings in churches, in communities, in homes, even in politics. Organizations like Focus on the Family, Promise Keepers and Campus Crusade for Christ are glorifying God with the fruit of evangelism and ministry. Every soul saved increases His kingdom and every life changed bears fruit for Him. We are investing in God’s people with a compounded return.

Let me explain how I believe God can move through us with the most effective fruit bearing ministry possible (entrepreneurial, if you will). I believe that no other target group for Christian ministry can have the same compound results (barring the intervening power of the Holy Spirit) than today’s boys. Our next generation of men, raised from today’s boys, can bring about a change that honors God’s plan for families, churches, communities, and our nation. This God honoring ministry has the potential for compound returns just as our creative and disciplined entrepreneurial investor did with his hobby, used cars and his $1,000 per year.

Now, I can hear the grumbling under your breath already. This may give the appearance that I believe we would do this in our own power. This sounds like God’s hand is not needed in this ingenious plan. I even offered the caveat: “barring the intervening power of the Holy Spirit.” But you know what? I believe God is waiting for our obedience to Him and our heart for His plan. This “manhood” ministry would be a total contrast with today’s legacy of men - careerism, materialism, and missing in action at home.

I believe that a movement by today’s men, raising the next generation of men, would be the result of the power of the Holy Spirit. This kind of obedience from men would glorify God and bring compounded blessing as prophesied in Malachi 4:5-6, “He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” The Holy Spirit would be an invited guest and His power would be manifested through men who mentor today’s boys. And just as is illustrated by the above entrepreneurial investment plan, we can paint a picture of the rule of compound return that exceeds anything we’ve seen through our contemporary Christian ministries.

A tall order and a bold claim - so stay tuned…

Posted on February 26th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Compound Return, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

Mentoring Preteens

Squires2Knights Ministries is equipping men for mentorship of teenage boys. This “Mentoring Our Boys” Blog also focuses on issues for mentorship of teens. I’d like to introduce you to two outstanding ministries offering ideas and resources for mentorship of preteen boys.

The Men of Honor

Tony Rorie operates The Men of Honor primarily as an after-school program for middle school aged boys. Tony has written two books: Raise Sons and The Quest -Becoming a Man of Honor. Check it out at www.themenofhonor.org.

Boys2Men4Christ

David Wills equips men to mentor fatherless boys ages 5-12 within the Church. He offers a very “user-friendly” DVD with all the tools you need. He calls it the “Ministry-In-A-Box.” It includes numerous video files and document files. Included is the B2M4C Ministry Manual, a Lesson Plan Manual, a Games List plus more. Check it out at www.boys2men4christ.com.

Posted on February 16th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

Teen Rebellion

For some reason, our culture has decided that teen rebellion is normal, unavoidable, and even acceptable. We joke about it and make light of it. It’s just the way it is.

I say there is a better way. So let’s take a look at “Dad vs. Culture.” Let’s look at how God sees rebellion and how the relationship/authority dynamics can play on this issue, specifically with teenage boys. Let’s discover the deceit of culture as it relates to the parent/teen relationship.

Mankind’s Ethos of Rebellion

If there was ever a recurring theme for God’s chosen people, it would be their propensity to rebel against Him. The original sin in the garden - rebellion against God. Idol worship at the base of Mount Sinai - rebellion against God. Lack of trust to enter the Promised Land - rebellion against God. Peter’s denial of Jesus - rebellion against God. As scripture reveals over and over again: “… you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You grumbled … you did not trust in the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 1:26-32).

The original sin of Adam and Eve is worth a closer look. Genesis 3:1-7 tells the story. “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the other wild animals …” So he preyed on the one more easily deceived. “‘You will not surely die,’ the serpent said to the woman … the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom …” So the woman gave in to the temptation. Commentary on this passage often highlights that “her husband, … was with her …” then ate the fruit. Because he is the one who received God’s commandment regarding the tree, he is the one responsible for the obedience. He was the one given authority and failed to stand firm on behalf of the woman. Was he not listening as Eve was tempted by Satan? Maybe he was watching ESPN and missed the whole thing. Ya, that’s it, he missed it all.

But the Lord took this rebellion seriously. The penalty for the original sin is death. The penalty for the rebellious Jews was the Law of the old covenant.

Rebellious Sons

It’s a scary thought to consider God’s law as it applied to a rebellious son of the Old Testament. “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son … bring him to the elders at the gate … Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death” (Deuternomy 21:18-19). Thank God for the grace of the new covenant - we are no longer “under the law.” We can offer grace to our sons. We can love our sons as we nurture and grow in relationship with them, just as God does with His children.

Even King David recognized his own youthful disobedience. As he says in Psalm 25:7, “Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways.” Here, a man after God’s own heart had to repent the sins of his youth and his rebellious ways. But truly, why would we expect any different?

And how about one of today’s Christian giants? Dr. James Dobson related a story in his book Bringing Up Boys. He tells of a day when his mother had to call his dad, a traveling evangelist, and tell him, “I need you.” You see, at age sixteen our beloved Dr. Dobson was getting a bit smart with his mom. And at the first sign of his disrespect to her, his dad literally gave up his career to be around during those last two volatile years. The good news is Dr. Dobson’s father was willing to make the sacrifice to be closer to home. Through a commitment to relationship with his son, Dr. Dobson’s dad finished raising young James into the man we know today, by the grace of God.

Yes, by the grace of God. You see, God instituted the family as His principle instrument of relationship and authority. He established the relationships between husband and wife, parent and child, father and son. From these relationships we are to practice our responsibilities with authority, submission, teaching and learning. And it is here we deal with youthful rebellion.

While scripture tells us, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1-2), Jesus also warned his disciples “children will rebel against their parents” (Matthew 10:21). So King David and Dr. Dobson would not have been exempt from this youthful attribute. But we must understand that “he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted” (Romans 13:2).

The Adolescent Brain

A number of brain developmental processes are occurring during adolescence, which may help explain some of the irrational behavior of teens. These neural changes are quite influential in the choices teens make and can drive a parent crazy. Both boys and girls experience these changes.

Most significantly, the teenage brain takes on a second dramatic period of growth and accelerates the pruning of unused neural connections. As a result, the adolescent often struggles with normal thinking and decision-making. In addition, most of this growth occurs in the frontal lobe, which is commonly referred to as the “judgment center” of the brain. So imagine your teenager with an uncharted desire for independence and combining it with a difficulty in controlling impulses and weighing risks. You may begin to recognize the need for a little understanding when you observe what appears to be a brain-dead, rebellious young adult. Making the point very well, Blaine Bartel dedicates and entire chapter titled “I’m a Little Brain-Damaged, So Get Used to it,” in his book Let Me Tell You What Your Teens Are Telling Me.

Caught in Between

I mentioned a teen’s uncharted desire for independence. As physical adults, our older teens are appropriately ready for some freedom and autonomy. In fact, they are a bit out of place as dependents under our authority. Every culture other than the modern high tech culture of today has or had fifteen and sixteen year olds marrying, having babies and making a living. Only today’s technologically advanced society all but requires these young adults to stay at home while continuing their advanced education. This subculture of sixteen to nineteen year olds is caught between childhood and adulthood. That sounds like a rock and a hard place to me. This no-man’s-land puts a huge strain on parent-child relationships. And I’m not sure if there is a fix; it seems universal that parents and older teens have conflict.

But despair not. This phase is temporary. Expect it. Don’t over-react to it. Be cool, calm and collected. Not that I pulled this off very well myself, but I believe you can do better. And when (not if, but when) you find yourself screaming and flailing like you’ve lost all control (I’ve been there), just take a deep breath, pray for grace and wisdom, then apologize to your teen and move forward. Mr. Bartel’s very next chapter to parents is titled: “Quit Trying to Act Perfect Because It’s Obvious That You’re Not.”

I recommend you read at least six books about raising teenagers. After the first two, you may not be convinced. By the time you’ve read four books, you’ll figure there must be something to what they’re saying. If you read at least six, you’ll finally be convinced (you think I’m joking). The teaching on this is quite consistent. Your natural parental responses to the phenomenom of teenagedom probably won’t work. We all could use the help of someone who’s either been there and/or from someone with a professional background in the area. I’ve done a lot of both.

Posted on February 9th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Rebellious Teens | 2 Comments »

“The Thing-in-a-Box”

I began meeting monthly with a group of men and boys when my son was thirteen years old. To instill a sense of purpose for the group, I introduced the group’s plan with an illustration. I contrasted the same images from Anakin’s training into Jedi Knighthood with a medieval squire’s training to become a knight.

I conspicuously revealed a long cardboard box. When asked, I refused to disclose its contents. The boys began referring to the mysterious contents as “the thing-in-a-box.” Later, I dramatically wielded from the box a toy light saber, similar to the one used by the Star Wars Jedi Knight. I described the rebellious nature of Anakin Skywalker and explained that, like Anakin, teenagers tend to rebel against their mentors and other authorities. Anakin ultimately gave in to the “Dark Side.” I then ceremoniously brandished a Medieval Crusader sword from the box. I explained that our group’s purpose for meeting regularly was to help counter this rebellious nature and bring the boys up into manhood, resisting the barriers of rebellion. To this day, five years later, the boys still refer to the sword as ‘the ‘thing-in-a-box.”

Posted on January 31st, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring, Rebellious Teens | No Comments »

Promote Mentoring

During this month of January, National Mentor Month, we can start the year with a push to promote mentoring. We can talk it up among friends, family and coworkers. We can write about it on internet blogs like this one. We can call in to radio talk shows and talk it up on the air waves. We can encourage the single moms we know to find mentoring programs for their sons.

Awareness

While many would acknowledge the need for mentorship of our boys, I think most are not aware of the significance of the need. It doesn’t take a national study and statistical data to recognize that most of society’s problems are directly or indirectly related to the shortcomings of today’s men. Jails are filled with mostly men. Even juvenile social problems tend to be boys. Extramarital affairs are notoriously committed by men (although of recent I think women are tending toward this immoral act). Men are seen today as overcommitted at work and lazy at home. And today’s boys are learning from these models just as today’s men learned from the men of yesteryear. Where does this pattern end?

Squires2Knights Ministries

The vision of Squires2Knights Ministries is to promote a Christ-centered manhood vision for the next generation of men. We are equipping men for mentorship of their sons, fatherless boys and all young men. Join us during this National Mentor Month as we change the pattern so prevalent in our nation today. Let’s Mentor Our Boys.

Squires to Knights - Mentoring Our Teenage Boys

Squires to Knights -Mentoring Our Teenage Boys informs, inspires and educates men who want to make a difference for their sons and any young men under their influence. It’s a quick, easy read for men on the go. But it maps out a strategy for men to get involved and pass on a vision of authentic manhood to the next generation.

Posted on January 4th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

The Road to Hell …

It’s been said, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” With the busyness arranged for us by Satan (or that we’ve brought on to ourselves), the deceiver knows we’ll probably keep those good intentions right where they are. And he’s just fine with that. If we intend to mentor our sons in biblical manhood, but are too busy and distracted to move forward with a deliberate plan, Satan is pleased.

Image by joyosity

How to Stay Committed

The most effective way to stay committed is within a group program and the most effective group format for Christ-centered manhood training is one that is dedicated just for that purpose. Building such a program from ground up is a significant commitment, but there are those of you prepared to take on such a commitment. I’ll cover a detailed plan for this later, but first consider this:

Why build a program from scratch when there are many programs already in existence? They may be lacking in the manhood training element, but building a new program from ground up may not be necessary. A few good men willing to offer short Christ-centered manhood lessons could make a huge difference with these existing programs.

Support Other Programs

So you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Maybe you’re already involved with youth Sunday School or Youth Group. Maybe your son is in the Boys Scouts and you’re a registered leader. Maybe you coach a team sport and have the leeway to offer Christian truths to your team. The only element missing in these existing programs may be a focus on Christian biblical manhood.

Church youth groups are usually co-ed, so they tend to fall short of defining manhood and of offering a masculine set of ideals. The Boy Scout program is not a Christian organization and falls short in the emphasis of God’s design for family. But Boy Scout leaders are permitted to bring their religion into the program. Athletic programs teach teamwork and leadership, but lean too heavy on competitiveness, self-glory and money. Your initiative and vision can supplement these existing athletic programs.

Step forward with your plan. Motivate the leaders with the issues I’m sharing on this blog and in Squires to Knights - issues such as the rite of passage, culture’s influences, role modeling and mentoring. Offer a biblical perspective for the mentorship of the boys - a perspective that reveals the shortfalls of today’s programs and even many of today’s families.

These current programs are compatible with our vision for tomorrow’s knights.

Sunday School/Youth Group Leader

You could offer some boys-only classes to the church Sunday School or Youth Group. These classes could be offered during the existing time slots or added as Sunday afternoon activities. They could be weekly or monthly. You could offer six-week semester classes just for the guys. (Look for Sunday School/Youth Group curriculums in the future at www.s2kyouthgroups.com.)

Boy Scout Chaplain

You could become the Boy Scout Troop Chaplain and offer a Chaplain’s Minute after each troop meeting (plan on 5 to 10 minutes), expanding from the Scout Oath and Law with the Bible’s teaching on manhood. Better yet, the entire Scoutmaster Corp could trade off leading these devotions, thereby reenforcing the common vision of all the adult leaders. Encourage the boys to earn the Boy Scout religious award, God and Country, and offer the necessary counseling for the award. As a Troop Chaplain, you could mentor a youth Chaplain’s Aid, guiding his leadership training with this teaching plan. (For resources see http://s2kdevotional.com/chaplain.html)

Athletic Team Chaplain

Even athletic teams can utilize a team chaplain and offer routine lessons and discussions for our purpose. (For resources see www.boysyouthsports.com) Jeffrey Marx shares in his book, Season of Life, the story of ex-NFL football player Joe Ehrmann. The story focuses on Joe’s biblical manhood mentorship to a youth football team. In the book, Mr. Marx quotes Joe in a remark about our society: “We simply don’t do a good enough job of teaching boys how to be men.” A team chaplain could teach a short devotional at each practice, focusing on - you guessed it, Christ-centered manhood. View clip from HBO Real Sports

Image by taylorpad212

Posted on December 24th, 2007 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring, Guy Kinda Fun | 1 Comment »

God, the Father - Jesus, the Son

Why is it that we refer to God as the Father and Jesus, the Son of God? To be honest, I’m not sure I can offer a qualified answer, but I do know this: we, as fathers, can draw from this model for our own relationship with our sons.

Matthew 3 provides us with an excellent model for our discussion on the rite of passage. To begin the story, John the Baptist points out that “the kingdom of heaven is near.” He then introduces the event that was prophesied by Isaiah: “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.” John goes on to declare, “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.” Very little of this made sense to those present at the time. But God, the Father, soon makes a grand entry as he carries out the rite of passage for Jesus, His Son. We’ll find that even John did not fully understand what was about to happen.

When Jesus arrives, John’s confusion is revealed. It doesn’t make sense to him that Jesus, the Messiah, came to be baptized by him, a mere prophet. When Jesus states, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Well, what could John say? “Then John consented.”

Consented!? Of course he consented. He was introducing the Savior of the world. That would be like a seventeen year old challenging his father about curfew. O.K., bad example. But John did what he had to do.

Ceremonial Rite of Passage

At this point the Father carries out a ceremonial rite of passage. He calls out His Son into ministry and publicly blesses Him. And this is where we, as fathers, can draw from His example.

We see in this story all the elements of a good ceremony. Robert Lewis lays them out for us in Raising a Modern-Day Knight. They include:

First, memorable ceremonies are costly.
Second, memorable ceremonies ascribe value.
Third, memorable ceremonies employ symbols.
Finally, and perhaps most important, memorable ceremonies empower a life with vision.

We’ve already seen the process that led up to this event. John the Baptist was prophesied to be the one to “prepare the way for the Lord.” God ordained the miraculous conception of John for this purpose. John lived his entire life in preparation for this event. When Dr. Lewis says, “memorable ceremonies are costly,” this ceremony cost John his life; literally speaking - his head was served on a platter.

Next, the heavens open, the Spirit of God descends as a dove, lighting on Jesus. About this time I’ll bet John the Baptist was glad he did what he was told.

Then God, the Father, announces, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

The Father has “ascribed value” to His Son by declaring His love for Jesus and His feelings about Jesus. This expression of love from father to son is vital.

The Father “employed symbols” as the Spirit of God descended like a dove and was a light on Jesus. We see these two symbols, the dove and the light, still today in the church.

Finally, the Father “empowered a life with vision.” Jesus went on to overcome the temptations of Satan. He began preaching the gospel and healing the sick. Jesus had to know what his purpose was in order to fulfill it. He later proclaimed to a crowd, “I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent” (Luke 4:43). And Matthew 4:23 gives us a clear description of His ministry: “Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.” Jesus’ mission concluded with the ultimate fulfillment of prophecy; Jesus became the instrument of the new covenant. As he explained to his disciples, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). The Father empowered His Son for this purpose.

Wow! That’s a ceremony never to be outdone!

But it gives us dads a model to emulate. These four elements of ceremony can set a course for our sons that will help them overcome temptation and find God’s will for their purpose in life.

“Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained…” (Proverbs 29:18).

Posted on December 18th, 2007 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Rite of Passage | 1 Comment »

John Eldridge, in Wild at Heart, sums it up:

Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man, or the company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women. The plan from the beginning of time was that his father would lay the foundation for a young boy’s heart, and pass on to him that essential knowledge and confidence in his strength.

It’s a simple and basic concept. The best football coaches are football players. The most qualified math teachers are mathematicians.

For manhood mentoring – boys need men!

The converse of this idea – need I say it? Let’s go to the experts again. Gary Smalley and John Trent put it like this, “… the logical conclusion of excluding our sons from our lives is that they pick up a feminized version of masculinity from Mom or a distorted image of manhood from peers.” And James Dobson offers a quote that, taken out of context, would get me in trouble again. “The truth is, Dad is more important than Mom.” You see, put in proper context, we find Dr. Dobson says, “In my opinion (and in the opinion of an increasing number of researchers), the father plays an essential role in a boy’s normal development as a man.” He concludes, “Mothers make boys. Fathers make men.” I say … actually, I’ve gotten into enough trouble; I think I’ll defer my comment.

Posted on December 18th, 2007 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »