Mentoring Our Boys –

I received a signed copy of Texas Governor Rick Perry’s new book: On My Honor - Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts Are Worth Fighting For. It was given to me as a Christmas gift from my father-in-law, Larry Garner.

I’ll let Sean Hannity introduce the book, as he offers his endorsement at the beginning:

“Governor Perry pulls no punches as he details the relentless assault on the Scouts and the traditional American values they instill.”

And Newt Gingrich offers this:

“For decades, the culture warriors of the left have waged war on societal institutions that espouse traditional American values. In On My Honor, Texas Governor Rich Perry examines the left’s attacks on a venerable American institution that has had a profound impact on the values and virtues of young Americans: The Boy Scouts of America.”

Boy Scouts - Character Building and Leadership Training

I am a strong advocate of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA). My father was one of my Scoutmasters as I progressed to the rank of Eagle Scout. I was also a Scout leader while my son did the same. The Boys Scouts of America is our nation’s foremost youth program of character development and values-based leadership training (Vision Statement of BSA). Unfortunately, the BSA and our American values are under attack. Governor Perry explains:

War on the Scouts

“I also believe this book demonstrates that the so-called “War on the Scouts” is a microcosm of a larger phenomenon, a “culture war” that has been tearing at the seams of our society for forty years, and that pits traditional values such as service, selflessness, and sacrifice for the common good against a newer doctrine that elevates the self above society and relegates morality to a shapeless form of relativity. The attacks on the Scouts are but one front in a larger war. The forces of moral relativity - the most famous of which is the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)-would remove any mention of God from the public square, would sanitize our society of bright lines dividing right and wrong, and would elevate doing what “feels good” as a moral imperative higher than doing what is necessary for us to live together.”

In his INTRODUCTION, Governor Perry expands on his depiction of the Boy Scouts and how they fit into America’s value system:

“Scouting’s values are drawn from those of the huge middle class of our nation - a body of people generous to those less fortunate and not envious of those who do well because opportunities are open to nearly everyone.”

“Scouting is firmly non-sectarian, but it expects its members to express a belief in the Almighty, and to live according to that faith in their daily lives.”

Governor Perry then explains where and when the attacks began:

The Culture War

“It’s called the culture war today, but when it began in the 1960s and ’70s, it didn’t have a name. Student campus unrest, rejection of authority, the “self-esteem” movement, moral relativism, and the demands of secularists all gradually fused into a series of attacks on American institutions.”

“The objectives of radicals seemed to be to tear away at the foundations of our society, attacking the role of faith, undermining the role of the family, and exploiting freedom to push a divisive agenda of permissiveness.”

And of course we can’t allow the momentum of this war to continue against the Boy Scouts and America’s value system:

“We are close to a tipping point in American society. If you believe there is right and wrong, that there are acceptable standards of behavior, that ethics cannot be made up on the spot, that judges should base their decisions on interpretations of the law not current opinion, and that this is a nation founded on a belief in God (George Washington called it “Divine Providence”), then you have a stake in this war.”

Go to http://www.boyscoutchaplain.com/ for more about mentorship in the Boy Scouts from Squires2Knights Ministries.

Rick Perry, On My Honor - Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts Are Worth Fighting For, Stroud & Hall Publishers, 2008.

Posted on January 19th, 2009 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues | No Comments »

The following are the opening remarks for the first video lesson of Squires2Knights Manhood 101.

Gentlemen. Welcome to our Manhood 101 course. My name is Jeff Purkiss. I’m the founder of Squires2Knights Ministries.

We’ve got six different men who are going to take you through the lessons of Manhood 101. Together with three other Manhood courses, this series will take you on a quest for authentic manhood. That’s right, a quest. You see, we’re going after something that can be hard to find.

Guys, we’ve got to restore authentic manhood in our culture. Virtually all our social problems can be linked to a single problem. For generations now, we haven’t really taught our boys how to be men.

You all are the next generation of men. So you guys, probably in your teens, are looking for a definition of manhood. You’ve probably never thought of it that way. And unfortunately in our modern culture this definition can be tough to pin down. Over the years our society has twisted and distorted God’s design for men. And the cultural pressures on men, especially young men, are taking them down wrong paths.

The young squire of the medieval period had a totally different experience than you do. He looked to the Knight as everything he wanted to become. And his pursuit of knighthood put him on a clearly defined path. He knew exactly what was expected of him and his mentor expected no less than the standards set for him.

A knight was chivalrous. He treated women and children with respect and honor. A knight was reverent. His faith in God was unwavering. A knight was strong and courageous. He was trained to protect his kingdom, his family and even his neighbor. These are only a few of the primary traits of a knight. And a squire, who was in training to become a knight, went through a vigorous training process for more than five years before he himself would be dubbed a knight.

If we considered a modern-day knight, what would he look like? What would he stand for? It’s hard to pin that down because our culture can’t make up its mind about a definition for manhood. We seem to have gone to two extremes. A man is all too often either an egotistical brute, vulgar and offensive. Or he’s a sensitive, new-age wimp, without backbone and without direction.

So you, as young men, have to know where you’re going on your quest for manhood or you’ll never get there. And many don’t. There are way too many thirty-year-olds today who are still no more than adolescents. They’ve never really grown up and they pretty much just wonder and flail through life.

Well I’m excited to offer you guys a biblically sound definition of manhood. Squires2Knights Ministries, or S2K, has derived 12 topics to teach and describe authentic manhood as it was designed by God. These 12 principles come from three Bible verses. We call them Knighthood Verses. Through this Manhood 101 course, you’ll easily memorize the Knighthood Verses and hopefully, you’ll take these lessons with you throughout the rest of your lives.

Posted on December 21st, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

I give more credit to single mothers for courage, determination and perseverance than anyone else. They have been dealt the toughest hand and have been given the most responsibility. They must provide, protect, nurture and mentor for an entire family. They are heros by any definition.

God’s Design for Family

Unfortunately, God did not design the family with a single parent. While there are some great single parent dads out there, four of five single parents are women. This brings to mind the need for male role models for the fatherless boys.

Male Role Models

Every ministry and mentor program for boys encourages single moms to place their sons under the influence of good male role models. Their sons must learn manhood from men. Rick Johnson has found himself, from his Better Dads platform, teaching single mothers how they can best raise their sons into manhood.

Rick Johnson

Rick offers two great resources for single mothers with sons: A paperback or audio book titled That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character and a CD audio titled Courageous Moms Raising Boys to Become Good Men.

Rick says, “As a mother, you hold the fate of the world in your hands.” Keep in mind, Moms, two thirds of our kids today are leaving home after high school graduation from a broken home. Many of our boys - no, most of our boys are being raised by single mothers. So I say again, it’s up to these mothers to place their sons under the influence of good male role models. More of the next generation of men will come from this scenario than any other.

Rick goes on to say, “Men are currently abdicating their roles as leaders in their homes, their communities, and their country in record numbers. This is creating a crisis that is threatening to dissolve the very fabric of society, destroying our country and possibly even the world. Men in our country are mired in apathy and passivity. The reason? They are not being brought up to relish their God-given role as protector of the the provider for their families.”

“The fact that men are abandoning their families in droves is destroying our country. I’m convinced that fatherlessness is directly or indirectly the cause of nearly every problem we face as a society today.”

Raise Up the Current Generation of Boys

Rick has concluded, “I work with many men in an attempt to change this trend, but I believe it may be too late to reverse this epidemic in our generation. The only way to stop it is to raise up the current generation of boys to be brave-hearted stalwarts of virtue and character.”

It’s true. Most of society’s problems are symptoms of a single problem: we don’t teach our boys how to be men. Today’s men were not taught how to be men either and therefore, they are ill-equipped to pass on Godly manhood themselves.

Some concluding remarks from Rick’s book:

“One last thing I’d like you to remember: boys are fun to raise! If you understand the differences between males and females, you will enjoy raising your son beyond measure. Just remember - expect boys to be a little louder and more physically active than girls. Try not to be too overprotective of them, and keep your sense of humor. I promise, you will find no greater satisfaction in life than raising your son from a helpless baby and then seeing him exhibit strength of character beyond your wildest expectations as he enters manhood.”

I encourage you to check out the Better Dads website (yes, moms, check out Better Dads). I also recommend A Squire’s Devotional: Personal Devotions for Teens on a Quest for Manhood. Help your sons discover authentic, biblical manhood from the world of men.

Posted on December 10th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Compound Return, Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring | 2 Comments »

I’m working on a Manhood Curriculum. While I’ve had a number of contacts from interested youth leaders, I’d like to get a feel for the interest and need for such a curriculum.

Squires Mentoring Group for Teenage Boys

When I started meeting with teen boys in a church mentoring group I called Squires, I discovered that there is very little in the way of resources for this program. I wanted to teach some general Bible study and I wanted to present and reinforce the Gospel, but my primary vision was to impart a vision of manhood - one that included commitment to marriage and family beyond what our current culture embraces (even the church).

So I began reading. I read a lot about manhood and teenage boys. I was able to plan monthly in-depth discussions with the boys. I adopted three Knighthood Verses. And I continued meeting with these boys for most of five years.

During that time, I discovered that many were very interested in what we were doing. Many were psyched about offering their sons and other boys a similar experience. But they wanted and needed resources. So I began to write.

While the Squires2Knights Devotional is useful in many venues, It falls short of the needed curriculum for church youth groups or school Bible clubs. So I’m back to writing again, but this time I’m going to do some video teaching with several other men.

Manhood Curriculum

We’re putting together four 6-week courses for teenage boys. They will be titled: Manhood 101, Manhood 201, Manhood 301 and Manhood 401. Each lesson will begin with a 15-20 minute video lesson. Each course will include a workbook for use in group discussions after each video. And each course will cover the 12 teaching topics from the three Knighthood Verses. The four courses can easily aline with the four years of highschool. Or they can be offered twice a year and be completed in two years. The boys attending are intended to be teenagers, but they could certainly start before age 13.

Please Comment or Email

I’m inviting comments and emails. I’d like to hear from those who could shed some light for me on the need and interest for this manhood curriculum. It’s going to take some time and money to complete this project and I’d like to know it would be put to good use. So again, please comment or email.

Jeff@Squire2Knights.com.

Posted on October 16th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring | 13 Comments »

ActLikeMen.org

Please consider printing the flyer found at ActLikeMen.org. At the bottom of the navigation bar on the left, you’ll find a link for a pdf file. This pdf file can be saved or printed.

The flyer advertised five ministries, including Squires2Knights Ministries. Each ministry offers information and resources for bestowing a Christ-centered manhood vision to the next generation of men. Each has its own niche with unique material.

I’m asking you to print the flyer and offer it to Youth Pasters, Coaches, Boy Scoutmasters, Sunday School teachers or any other mentor of boys and young men. Help us reach the men who will teach, coach, and mentor our boys.

Posted on October 4th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

THE NEXT GENERATION OF FATHERLESS MEN

I cannot emphasize enough: the fatherless boys of today need Godly men in their lives. The number of boys in this category is astronomical and growing. They are the products of a systemic breakdown of manhood that has evolved over several previous generations. This breakdown of Godly manhood has created a pattern of divorce and single parenting that is outside God’s plan. In turn, this growing problematic pattern is passed from one generation to another. The pattern must be broken.

My parents are examples of a resolute desire to break the pattern. My father, as a twelve-year-old, lost his dad to a stroke and was then raised entirely by his single mother. My mother overcame the burden of an absent father and two abusive stepfathers. My parents came together in marriage and modeled for me, and my siblings, a marital and parenting commitment that I hold dear. The pattern was broken and I want to help break this pattern in the lives of others who are not so fortunate.

Bringing Up Boys, James Dobson

Since remarriage may or may not solve the problem of finding masculine influence for her boys, the single mother has to figure out other ways to meet the challenge. How can she teach them to … think like a man? What can she tell them about male sexuality, and what can she do to get them ready to lead future families of their own?

[God] said repeatedly in His Word that He has a special tenderness for fatherless children and their mothers. There are many references in Scripture to their plight. For example:
• Deuteronomy 10:17-18: The Lord your God…defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.
• Deuteronomy 27:19: Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow.
• Psalm 68:5: A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.
• Zechariah 7:10: Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor.

… you as a single mother must make an all-out effort to find a father substitute for your boys.

Placing your boys under the influence of such a man for even a single hour per week can make a great difference.

…do not let the years go by without a man’s influence in the lives of your boys. If they have no nurturing male role models by which to pattern themselves, they will turn to whoever is available, such as gang members, or perhaps, to you, the mom. And as we know, it is not healthy for boys to model themselves exclusively after their mothers.

… speaking … to Christians who live in intact families. You have been reading in this chapter about the challenges faced by single parents. I hope you will consider the ways you might help. Men, how about taking the sons of single mothers with your own boys when you’re going fishing or out to a ball game? Let those fatherless boys know that you care for them. Answer their questions and teach them how to throw a ball or how to block and tackle.

Every Man’s a Mentor, Sam Mehaffie, Forward by Dr. Ken Canfield

I am convinced that our responsibilities as men and fathers extend far beyond our own families. A faithful father has no choice about attending to the matters of the Father. One of those matters is clearly coming to the aid of the fatherless, the orphan and the distressed. God is “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows. He sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:5-6). If we fail in our mission to build a bridge to the fatherless, then our churches, communities, cities and nations as we know them will melt down.

Consider this: If every young man who grew up in an intact family stayed committed to a life long marriage, but every young man who left home from a broken family struggled with the idea of marriage commitment, our nation would likely continue in a downward spiral of dysfunctional families. Only 34 percent of all children born in America will live with both biological parents through age eighteen. And, with divorce rates at 50% or more, a study showed that three years after divorce, less than half the men ever see their kids again … ever! Also, 36.8% of births last year were to unmarried women. These fatherless kids must be given a model of God’s plan for marriage. That often means a non-family mentor who is willing to step in and expand his influence. That means you and me.

Resources would certainly be helpful. I have found that, while many are pretty psyched about the idea of mentoring boys on an athletic team, in a Boy Scout troop or church Youth Group, most feel ill-equipped to attempt Bible-based manhood training. And resources specifically design for teaching teenage boys what the Bible says about being a man are downright scarce. So Squires2Knights Ministries is offering low-cost and even free resources for just that purpose. Find what you need on our website: Squires2Knights.com Specifically check out the S2K Devotional for leading group discussions and the Squire’s Devotional for teen’s personal devotion time.

Posted on October 2nd, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Compound Return, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

Star Wars - Luke Skywalker - Darth Vader.

We all know the story. And I’m sure we’re all familiar with the haunting sound of Darth Vader’s labored breathing. The villain of Star Wars requires that ominous mask as a sort-of life-support device. Somehow that apparatus affects his breathing. Oh how that sound bite has been replayed: “Luuuke,” … *inhale* … ”I am your faaatherrr,” … *exhale*.

But how about the history of this man? The story of his turn to evil was eventually revealed in another episode – Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones. Young Anakin Skywalker is discovered as having the natural skills and talents of the Jedi Knight. He is recruited as an apprentice under the mentorship of an experienced Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi. The young man learns the skills of the Jedi quickly and occasionally displays an aptitude that surpasses his mentor. As is not uncommon with extremely talented young men, Anakin gets cocky. He begins to resent his status as a protégé.

If you’re familiar with the story, you may remember this scene. Anakin is left alone to protect the beautiful Senator Padme’ Amidala. She offers him a compliment:

Padme’: You’ve grown up.

Anakin: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it.
Don’t get me wrong. Obi Wan is a great master. As wise as Master Yoda. As powerful as Master Windu.

I am truly thankful to be his apprentice. In some ways, a lot of ways, I’m really ahead of him. I’m ready for the trials. But he feels that I’m too unpredictable! HE WON’T LET ME MOVE ON!

Padme’: That must be frustrating.

Anakin: It’s worse! He’s overly critical. He never
listens. He, he doesn’t understand. IT’S NOT FAIR!

Padme’: All mentors have a way of seeing more of
our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.

Anakin: I know.

You can see the attitude of Anakin’s heart. And if you watch the teenage boys today, you’ll see that this same outlook is prevalent. The name we use for this phenomenon, teen rebellion, has even lost its sting. We’ve come to expect, accept, and even ignore this in our teenagers, especially our sons. And when allowed to progress to an extreme, we see outbursts like the one at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Similarly, this mind-set ultimately drags our Star Wars movie character to the “Dark Side.”

“MY YOUNG PADAWAN”

I won’t try to portray “The Force” in Star Wars as analogous with our omnipotent God and the “Dark Side” as Satan. The storyline fails to illustrate the grace given us through the sacrifice of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I’m drawing analogy only from the relationship of Jedi and padawan, mentor and protégé, knight and squire. I’m using the rebellious nature of Anakin Skywalker as an illustration of our son’s rebellious nature.

Notice, however, there is more that makes this analogy so pertinent with today’s challenges for fathers of growing and maturing boys. There is an interesting commonality with Anakin, the apprentice, and today’s male youth. Their egos are being fed by Satan and the world just as they discover a natural desire for independence. They realize they can make their own decisions and choices; they have their own ideas and values. Even if their values are in line with their father’s teachings, they want to take ownership of them.

Two more scenes in this movie illustrate contemporary trends among our teen boys. First, the leader of the evil forces, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, implores Anakin. He does it just as Satan and today’s culture do with our own boys:

“You don’t need guidance, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings. Then you will be invincible.”

How’s that for a secular world-view – the typical feel good, relativism of today’s culture?

And the Jedi masters recognize Anakin’s response to these lies:

Obi Wan: He has much to learn, master. His
abilities have made him, well, arrogant.

Yoda: Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common
among Jedi. Hmm. Too sure of them selves, they are.

Posted on October 2nd, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring, Rebellious Teens | No Comments »

THE NEXT GENERATION OF MEN

The target group of mentoring today’s boys will obviously become the next generation of men. The time invested in them will bring about a new legacy for men in our nation. They will become better disciples and servants for God. The will become loving husbands and dedicated fathers. They will expand their influence to their grandchildren and beyond, their churches, communities, and our nation. They will lead, provide and protect. They will become all that God intended them to be, all because of our obedience to God’s generational vision.

Dad the Family Mentor, Dave Simmons:

This process is what parenting is all about: the transfer of civilization from one generation to the next. Parents play the role of teachers, and children play the role of learners. Perhaps a word that describes the whole process is absorption: The new generation absorbs the old one.

Manhood, taped presentation by Dennis Rainy:

Men suffer from two problems:

1. Lack of convictions about what it means to be a man.
2. At a loss to give a generational vision to our sons.

Harold Davis, Champaign, IL

“When an older generation of men does not reach down and call the younger generation up, that generation perishes.”

Psalm 45:16:

Your sons will take the place of your fathers; …

Psalm 24:6:

Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob.

Posted on September 27th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Compound Return, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »

Picture this:

• BANG! You’re dead!

• No I’m not!

• Yes you are. I shot you.

• You missed.

• No I didn’t.

• Yes you did.

What’s going on here? What mental image do you have of this scenario? I’ll bet you envision two boys. You probably imagine them to be around ten years old and you picture them, no doubt, in jeans and t-shirts. They have toy guns in their hands and are hiding behind a tree or bush as they battle it out.

What you didn’t envision was two teenage girls - in dresses, their hair done up nice, a purse in one hand and a toy gun in the other, as they battle it out in the mall foyer. No, this kind of play is generally a guy thing. That’s not to say that girls don’t play Army or “Cowboys and Indians.” But as evidenced by your mental image of the above scenario, we all see this as “guy kinda fun.”

In fact, I remember reading about a study a long time ago. The researchers used toddlers who were unable to talk yet. The boys and girls were separated for this study and they were observed as they played. The findings were quite interesting. Every sound that came from the mouths of the girls was a mimicked form of speech - gibberish. They pretended to talk to each other. Their play incorporated imaginary relationships through communication. The boys, on the other hand, made very different sounds. Every sound out of their mouths was a sound-effect – a bang, thud, roar, or a swoosh. Their play was loud; it was action-based.

TESTOSTERONE FOR “GUY KINDA FUN”

We already know that testosterone is more prevalent in males than in females. We also know that this hormone has significant effects on the sexes making them quite different from each other. James Dobson points out for us that testosterone is clearly correlated with “psychological dominance, confident physicality and high self-esteem.” He quotes Andrew Sullivan, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones, the person with the most [testosterone] wins.”

A single-mom e-mailed me once about a situation with her son. She had another mom of a neighbor boy come to her door. This mother was upset because the two boys had gotten into a fight. My friend’s son apparently had hit her son, obviously an unacceptable outcome from her point of view. My friend was at odds as to what to do about her son’s behavior. She was appalled with this physical fighting and was at her wits end.

As is common for single mothers of boys, much of the typical boy behavior is confusing. James Dobson’s Bringing Up Boys has been a blessing to these mothers. He explains so much about boys, their temperament and behavior, giving these mothers a better understanding of their sons. So I shared with my friend the above facts about testosterone and it’s influence, specifically as it relates to dominance, confidence, physicality and self-esteem. I quoted, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones …,” then I emphasized, “the person with the most wins” (referring to testosterone, of course). Then to offer some comic relief (she needed something to relieve the stress) I told her, “Next time this mother comes to your door accusing your son of hitting her son, tell her [with sarcasm], ‘My son has more than yours.’”

Obviously, boys need to be taught appropriate responses when in disagreement with friends. I did not condone fighting and I emphasized that fighting is generally not acceptable. But my friend did need to understand that she was not dealing with some out-of-control severe behavioral problem. She was merely dealing with a boy. She didn’t need to take the “boy” out of him, she needed to channel his natural behavior into appropriate conduct. The testosterone-induced behavior, when properly directed, would give him healthy masculine characteristics fit for God’s design for him as a man. How’s that for a controversial statement? But we’re not looking for political correctness here. James Dobson offers this, “That brings us back to our understanding of boys. Remember that they are men-in-training. Their aggressive nature is designed for a purpose. It prepares them for the “provision and protection” roles to come.”

While I’ll have more to share about testosterone and “Guy Kinda Fun” later, let me direct you to Squires2Knights Ministries. Peruse through the website and capture the vision of bestowing Christ-centered manhood to the next generation of men. Discover a strategic plan and find the resources you need to Mentor Our Boys!

Posted on September 27th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Guy Kinda Fun | No Comments »

teach-our-boys.mp3

I recently ran this radio commercial in San Antonio, TX. Click on the mp3 file above.

9 of 10 inmates are men.
9 of 10 on death row hate their father.
9 of 10 juvies are boys.
All school shootings were carried out by young men.
And more than 5 of 10 boys will graduate high school without their father at home.

Now think about this:
Virtually all our social problems are symptoms of one problem.

WE DON’T TEACH OUR BOYS HOW TO BE MEN!

Go to ActLikeMen.org.

Posted on September 17th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Cultural Issues, Fathering/Mentoring | No Comments »