When I started meeting with teen boys in a church mentoring group I called Squires, I discovered that there is very little in the way of resources for this program. I wanted to teach some general Bible study and I wanted to present and reinforce the Gospel, but my primary vision was to impart a vision of manhood - one that included commitment to marriage and family beyond what our current culture embraces (even the church).
So I began reading. I read a lot about manhood and teenage boys. I was able to plan monthly in-depth discussions with the boys. I adopted three Knighthood Verses. And I continued meeting with these boys for most of five years.
During that time, I discovered that many were very interested in what we were doing. Many were psyched about offering their sons and other boys a similar experience. But they wanted and needed resources. So I began to write.
While the Squires2Knights Devotional is useful in many venues, It falls short of the needed curriculum for church youth groups or school Bible clubs. So I’m back to writing again, but this time I’m going to do some video teaching with several other men.
We’re putting together four 6-week courses for teenage boys. They will be titled: Manhood 101, Manhood 201, Manhood 301 and Manhood 401. Each lesson will begin with a 15-20 minute video lesson. Each course will include a workbook for use in group discussions after each video. And each course will cover the 12 teaching topics from the three Knighthood Verses. The four courses can easily aline with the four years of highschool. Or they can be offered twice a year and be completed in two years. The boys attending are intended to be teenagers, but they could certainly start before age 13.
I’m inviting comments and emails. I’d like to hear from those who could shed some light for me on the need and interest for this manhood curriculum. It’s going to take some time and money to complete this project and I’d like to know it would be put to good use. So again, please comment or email.
Jeff@Squire2Knights.com.
]]>Please consider printing the flyer found at ActLikeMen.org. At the bottom of the navigation bar on the left, you’ll find a link for a pdf file. This pdf file can be saved or printed.
The flyer advertised five ministries, including Squires2Knights Ministries. Each ministry offers information and resources for bestowing a Christ-centered manhood vision to the next generation of men. Each has its own niche with unique material.
I’m asking you to print the flyer and offer it to Youth Pasters, Coaches, Boy Scoutmasters, Sunday School teachers or any other mentor of boys and young men. Help us reach the men who will teach, coach, and mentor our boys.
]]>I cannot emphasize enough: the fatherless boys of today need Godly men in their lives. The number of boys in this category is astronomical and growing. They are the products of a systemic breakdown of manhood that has evolved over several previous generations. This breakdown of Godly manhood has created a pattern of divorce and single parenting that is outside God’s plan. In turn, this growing problematic pattern is passed from one generation to another. The pattern must be broken.
My parents are examples of a resolute desire to break the pattern. My father, as a twelve-year-old, lost his dad to a stroke and was then raised entirely by his single mother. My mother overcame the burden of an absent father and two abusive stepfathers. My parents came together in marriage and modeled for me, and my siblings, a marital and parenting commitment that I hold dear. The pattern was broken and I want to help break this pattern in the lives of others who are not so fortunate.
Bringing Up Boys, James Dobson
Since remarriage may or may not solve the problem of finding masculine influence for her boys, the single mother has to figure out other ways to meet the challenge. How can she teach them to … think like a man? What can she tell them about male sexuality, and what can she do to get them ready to lead future families of their own?
[God] said repeatedly in His Word that He has a special tenderness for fatherless children and their mothers. There are many references in Scripture to their plight. For example:
• Deuteronomy 10:17-18: The Lord your God…defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.
• Deuteronomy 27:19: Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow.
• Psalm 68:5: A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.
• Zechariah 7:10: Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor.
Placing your boys under the influence of such a man for even a single hour per week can make a great difference.
…do not let the years go by without a man’s influence in the lives of your boys. If they have no nurturing male role models by which to pattern themselves, they will turn to whoever is available, such as gang members, or perhaps, to you, the mom. And as we know, it is not healthy for boys to model themselves exclusively after their mothers.
… speaking … to Christians who live in intact families. You have been reading in this chapter about the challenges faced by single parents. I hope you will consider the ways you might help. Men, how about taking the sons of single mothers with your own boys when you’re going fishing or out to a ball game? Let those fatherless boys know that you care for them. Answer their questions and teach them how to throw a ball or how to block and tackle.
Every Man’s a Mentor, Sam Mehaffie, Forward by Dr. Ken Canfield
I am convinced that our responsibilities as men and fathers extend far beyond our own families. A faithful father has no choice about attending to the matters of the Father. One of those matters is clearly coming to the aid of the fatherless, the orphan and the distressed. God is “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows. He sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:5-6). If we fail in our mission to build a bridge to the fatherless, then our churches, communities, cities and nations as we know them will melt down.
Consider this: If every young man who grew up in an intact family stayed committed to a life long marriage, but every young man who left home from a broken family struggled with the idea of marriage commitment, our nation would likely continue in a downward spiral of dysfunctional families. Only 34 percent of all children born in America will live with both biological parents through age eighteen. And, with divorce rates at 50% or more, a study showed that three years after divorce, less than half the men ever see their kids again … ever! Also, 36.8% of births last year were to unmarried women. These fatherless kids must be given a model of God’s plan for marriage. That often means a non-family mentor who is willing to step in and expand his influence. That means you and me.
Resources would certainly be helpful. I have found that, while many are pretty psyched about the idea of mentoring boys on an athletic team, in a Boy Scout troop or church Youth Group, most feel ill-equipped to attempt Bible-based manhood training. And resources specifically design for teaching teenage boys what the Bible says about being a man are downright scarce. So Squires2Knights Ministries is offering low-cost and even free resources for just that purpose. Find what you need on our website: Squires2Knights.com Specifically check out the S2K Devotional for leading group discussions and the Squire’s Devotional for teen’s personal devotion time.
]]>We all know the story. And I’m sure we’re all familiar with the haunting sound of Darth Vader’s labored breathing. The villain of Star Wars requires that ominous mask as a sort-of life-support device. Somehow that apparatus affects his breathing. Oh how that sound bite has been replayed: “Luuuke,” … *inhale* … ”I am your faaatherrr,” … *exhale*.
But how about the history of this man? The story of his turn to evil was eventually revealed in another episode – Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones. Young Anakin Skywalker is discovered as having the natural skills and talents of the Jedi Knight. He is recruited as an apprentice under the mentorship of an experienced Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi. The young man learns the skills of the Jedi quickly and occasionally displays an aptitude that surpasses his mentor. As is not uncommon with extremely talented young men, Anakin gets cocky. He begins to resent his status as a protégé.
If you’re familiar with the story, you may remember this scene. Anakin is left alone to protect the beautiful Senator Padme’ Amidala. She offers him a compliment:
Padme’: You’ve grown up.
Anakin: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it.
Don’t get me wrong. Obi Wan is a great master. As wise as Master Yoda. As powerful as Master Windu.
I am truly thankful to be his apprentice. In some ways, a lot of ways, I’m really ahead of him. I’m ready for the trials. But he feels that I’m too unpredictable! HE WON’T LET ME MOVE ON!
Padme’: That must be frustrating.
Anakin: It’s worse! He’s overly critical. He never
listens. He, he doesn’t understand. IT’S NOT FAIR!
Padme’: All mentors have a way of seeing more of
our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.
Anakin: I know.
You can see the attitude of Anakin’s heart. And if you watch the teenage boys today, you’ll see that this same outlook is prevalent. The name we use for this phenomenon, teen rebellion, has even lost its sting. We’ve come to expect, accept, and even ignore this in our teenagers, especially our sons. And when allowed to progress to an extreme, we see outbursts like the one at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Similarly, this mind-set ultimately drags our Star Wars movie character to the “Dark Side.”
“MY YOUNG PADAWAN”
I won’t try to portray “The Force” in Star Wars as analogous with our omnipotent God and the “Dark Side” as Satan. The storyline fails to illustrate the grace given us through the sacrifice of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I’m drawing analogy only from the relationship of Jedi and padawan, mentor and protégé, knight and squire. I’m using the rebellious nature of Anakin Skywalker as an illustration of our son’s rebellious nature.
Notice, however, there is more that makes this analogy so pertinent with today’s challenges for fathers of growing and maturing boys. There is an interesting commonality with Anakin, the apprentice, and today’s male youth. Their egos are being fed by Satan and the world just as they discover a natural desire for independence. They realize they can make their own decisions and choices; they have their own ideas and values. Even if their values are in line with their father’s teachings, they want to take ownership of them.
Two more scenes in this movie illustrate contemporary trends among our teen boys. First, the leader of the evil forces, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, implores Anakin. He does it just as Satan and today’s culture do with our own boys:
“You don’t need guidance, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings. Then you will be invincible.”
And the Jedi masters recognize Anakin’s response to these lies:
Obi Wan: He has much to learn, master. His
abilities have made him, well, arrogant.
Yoda: Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common
among Jedi. Hmm. Too sure of them selves, they are.
The target group of mentoring today’s boys will obviously become the next generation of men. The time invested in them will bring about a new legacy for men in our nation. They will become better disciples and servants for God. The will become loving husbands and dedicated fathers. They will expand their influence to their grandchildren and beyond, their churches, communities, and our nation. They will lead, provide and protect. They will become all that God intended them to be, all because of our obedience to God’s generational vision.
This process is what parenting is all about: the transfer of civilization from one generation to the next. Parents play the role of teachers, and children play the role of learners. Perhaps a word that describes the whole process is absorption: The new generation absorbs the old one.
Men suffer from two problems:
1. Lack of convictions about what it means to be a man.
2. At a loss to give a generational vision to our sons.
“When an older generation of men does not reach down and call the younger generation up, that generation perishes.”
Your sons will take the place of your fathers; …
Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob.
]]>• BANG! You’re dead!
• No I’m not!
• Yes you are. I shot you.
• You missed.
• No I didn’t.
• Yes you did.
What’s going on here? What mental image do you have of this scenario? I’ll bet you envision two boys. You probably imagine them to be around ten years old and you picture them, no doubt, in jeans and t-shirts. They have toy guns in their hands and are hiding behind a tree or bush as they battle it out.
What you didn’t envision was two teenage girls - in dresses, their hair done up nice, a purse in one hand and a toy gun in the other, as they battle it out in the mall foyer. No, this kind of play is generally a guy thing. That’s not to say that girls don’t play Army or “Cowboys and Indians.” But as evidenced by your mental image of the above scenario, we all see this as “guy kinda fun.”
In fact, I remember reading about a study a long time ago. The researchers used toddlers who were unable to talk yet. The boys and girls were separated for this study and they were observed as they played. The findings were quite interesting. Every sound that came from the mouths of the girls was a mimicked form of speech - gibberish. They pretended to talk to each other. Their play incorporated imaginary relationships through communication. The boys, on the other hand, made very different sounds. Every sound out of their mouths was a sound-effect – a bang, thud, roar, or a swoosh. Their play was loud; it was action-based.
We already know that testosterone is more prevalent in males than in females. We also know that this hormone has significant effects on the sexes making them quite different from each other. James Dobson points out for us that testosterone is clearly correlated with “psychological dominance, confident physicality and high self-esteem.” He quotes Andrew Sullivan, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones, the person with the most [testosterone] wins.”
A single-mom e-mailed me once about a situation with her son. She had another mom of a neighbor boy come to her door. This mother was upset because the two boys had gotten into a fight. My friend’s son apparently had hit her son, obviously an unacceptable outcome from her point of view. My friend was at odds as to what to do about her son’s behavior. She was appalled with this physical fighting and was at her wits end.
As is common for single mothers of boys, much of the typical boy behavior is confusing. James Dobson’s Bringing Up Boys has been a blessing to these mothers. He explains so much about boys, their temperament and behavior, giving these mothers a better understanding of their sons. So I shared with my friend the above facts about testosterone and it’s influence, specifically as it relates to dominance, confidence, physicality and self-esteem. I quoted, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones …,” then I emphasized, “the person with the most wins” (referring to testosterone, of course). Then to offer some comic relief (she needed something to relieve the stress) I told her, “Next time this mother comes to your door accusing your son of hitting her son, tell her [with sarcasm], ‘My son has more than yours.’”
Obviously, boys need to be taught appropriate responses when in disagreement with friends. I did not condone fighting and I emphasized that fighting is generally not acceptable. But my friend did need to understand that she was not dealing with some out-of-control severe behavioral problem. She was merely dealing with a boy. She didn’t need to take the “boy” out of him, she needed to channel his natural behavior into appropriate conduct. The testosterone-induced behavior, when properly directed, would give him healthy masculine characteristics fit for God’s design for him as a man. How’s that for a controversial statement? But we’re not looking for political correctness here. James Dobson offers this, “That brings us back to our understanding of boys. Remember that they are men-in-training. Their aggressive nature is designed for a purpose. It prepares them for the “provision and protection” roles to come.”
While I’ll have more to share about testosterone and “Guy Kinda Fun” later, let me direct you to Squires2Knights Ministries. Peruse through the website and capture the vision of bestowing Christ-centered manhood to the next generation of men. Discover a strategic plan and find the resources you need to Mentor Our Boys!
]]>I recently ran this radio commercial in San Antonio, TX. Click on the mp3 file above.
9 of 10 inmates are men.
9 of 10 on death row hate their father.
9 of 10 juvies are boys.
All school shootings were carried out by young men.
And more than 5 of 10 boys will graduate high school without their father at home.
Now think about this:
Virtually all our social problems are symptoms of one problem.
Go to ActLikeMen.org.
]]>I have posted 50 devotions in the S2K Devotional on the Squires2Knights Ministries Website. They can be downloaded one at a time as PDF files. And they are free.
However, copies are now available as a complete devotional book. Your price, $15, is probably cheaper than your cost to print 50 two page devotions at home. In addition, A Squire’s Devotion will be available next month. This devotional is written for personal devotion time for young men and also as a companion book to the Squires2Knights Devotional.
Use them with your son, whether your a dad or a single mom. Use them with your son’s athletic team or his Boy Scout troop. Offer them to a boys-only Sunday School or after-school program.
Bestow a vision of Christ-centered manhood to the next generation of men. Help them look forward to a commitment to family, to their future wife and to their future children. These ideas can save our culture from future erosion. Be their hope.
]]>All the evidence is pointing to an economic crisis. It seems to be the prominent concern in our nation. And while there are many factors involved, fuel prices are definitely the biggest culprit.
The price of gas has skyrocketed. The effects of our free market system, with its supply and demand patterns complicated by foreign dependence on oil and speculative investments on oil futures, has resulted in a price jump that defies all intuitive common sense. It’s a huge problem and we’re all looking for answers.
All the evidence is also pointing to a crisis for the family. And a crisis for the family can bring about the demise of a nation. Divorce rates exceed 50 percent. Three years after a divorce, over half those dads never see their kids again. Two of three kids graduate high school from a broken family. About a third of today’s kids are born to unwed mothers. It’s a huge problem and we’re all looking for answers.
What a correlation. Two of the weightiest problems facing our culture. And for both, there seems to be no answer to the problem.
Or is there? Is there an answer to these problems? Is the answer so obvious, we don’t see it? Is the answer so easy, we won’t get it done? I think the answer is right in front of us and it’s an answer we can get done.
Try a google search on the words: save gas improve milage. You’ll find ways to improve your gas milage by up to 35 percent with average improvements around 20 percent. And it’s easy to get done. Accelerate to 60 mpg in 20 seconds or more. Get off the gas pedal as early as you can before a stop. Drive at 55 mph. Turn the motor off if you’re going to idle for more than 30 seconds. It’s easy.
My wife recently bought a new mini SUV. The advertised highway mpg is 28. I drove for about three hours and averaged 33.4. That’s a 19.3 percent improvement.
My wife’s old car displayed an average mpg of 14.3. I have implemented the suggested gas saving techniques in her car and have averaged 18.3 mpg. That’s a 28 percent improvement.
With 20 percent better milage as the average improvement, our equivalent savings at the pump would be 80 cents on $4 per gallon. A 30 percent improvement would equate to $1.20 per gallon savings. Would that be worth having a few drivers flip the birdy at you every once in a while?
But the savings continues. A 20 percent reduction in fuel consumption on the American roads would cause a rebalance on the supply and demand economics of fuel pricing. The price of gas would surely go down.
While I’ve made my argument here for fuel conservation techniques on this MentoringOurBoys Blog, let’s apply this argument to the vision of Squire2Knights Ministries. The compounded return for our investment into the next generation of men is huge. But just like our affluent habit patterns have negated any real improvement in the price of gas, our busy schedules have negated any real improvement for our families. And just like a few simple and logical driving techniques could result in an improvement in our cost for fuel, some simple and logical mentoring practices could bring about improvements in our young men and the families of tomorrow.
Go to the Squires2Knights Ministries website to find a strategy for mentoring our boys.
]]>His response was: “Well you asked for it …” So here’s the wonderful ideas and vision he responded with:
1- I believe the outdoors is a great place for people to learn about God. Romans Chapter 1 says the “God revealed himself through creation”. This is a great avenue for boys since most all boys like to be outside. Many people today think and teach their kids that outside is only a place to get dirty, but it is a place where we can really connect with the Creator God.
2- Since I have 4 boys, work with so many boys, read a lot about boys and men, and I spent most of my childhood as a boy I have decided 2 things are true of all boys. First every boy wants to be a man. He has a desire in his heart to be a man. I remember from the time my sons were old enough to know that there is a difference between Mama and Daddy they have wanted to be a Daddy. They didn’t know what a man was, but they knew that they were like me. When they were old enough to walk they would want me to feel their muscles….see how fast I am…watch me jump off the stairs. They were never taught how to take a stick and use it for a sword, but everyone of them figures this out.
Second, I believe every boy wants to be apart of an adventure to some degree or another. Some boys an adventure is to sleep alone in a tent in the woods. Some boys want to rappel off the side of a mountain. This is why boys drive too fast, build ramps to jump their bikes, jump off houses, etc. The problem with many parents today is that we try to exploit the natural fear of young children into staying away from adventure, because they might get hurt. So the only safe “adventure” for many boys is to play video games. But look at the video games that boys want to play. They want to play games that shoot somebody or beat somebody. Dr. James Dobson talks about a mother that asked him if it was OK if her son played with toy guns. His response was that if she didn’t he would carve his peanut butter sandwich into one. We have to show our sons that the biggest adventure they will ever go on is a life on mission for God. Our relationship with Jesus is not something that restricts us and keeps us from having a good time…it is an adventure. We’re on a mission from the KING.
3- As a society we are sacrificing our children on the alter of popularity. We are afraid that our children will be different and not be accepted. I believe it is time to “call our sons out” to be different. To be “Modern-Day Knights”. To live by a new code. To be Holy. To do this we have to be intentional. We can’t be afraid of peer pressure. We have to recognize that peer pressure is not a teenage issue, it is a life-long war that most adults are losing as much as teenagers. If we can’t beat peer pressure, we sure can not expect our sons to.
I believe we can take these (3) issues and really transform a boys life. Basically using the outdoors and their natural spirit of adventure to get their attention. Then calling them out to be different.
Thanks, Chris, for your encouraging words, insightful ideas and great vision
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