Mentoring Our Boys –

Picture this:

• BANG! You’re dead!

• No I’m not!

• Yes you are. I shot you.

• You missed.

• No I didn’t.

• Yes you did.

What’s going on here? What mental image do you have of this scenario? I’ll bet you envision two boys. You probably imagine them to be around ten years old and you picture them, no doubt, in jeans and t-shirts. They have toy guns in their hands and are hiding behind a tree or bush as they battle it out.

What you didn’t envision was two teenage girls - in dresses, their hair done up nice, a purse in one hand and a toy gun in the other, as they battle it out in the mall foyer. No, this kind of play is generally a guy thing. That’s not to say that girls don’t play Army or “Cowboys and Indians.” But as evidenced by your mental image of the above scenario, we all see this as “guy kinda fun.”

In fact, I remember reading about a study a long time ago. The researchers used toddlers who were unable to talk yet. The boys and girls were separated for this study and they were observed as they played. The findings were quite interesting. Every sound that came from the mouths of the girls was a mimicked form of speech - gibberish. They pretended to talk to each other. Their play incorporated imaginary relationships through communication. The boys, on the other hand, made very different sounds. Every sound out of their mouths was a sound-effect – a bang, thud, roar, or a swoosh. Their play was loud; it was action-based.

TESTOSTERONE FOR “GUY KINDA FUN”

We already know that testosterone is more prevalent in males than in females. We also know that this hormone has significant effects on the sexes making them quite different from each other. James Dobson points out for us that testosterone is clearly correlated with “psychological dominance, confident physicality and high self-esteem.” He quotes Andrew Sullivan, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones, the person with the most [testosterone] wins.”

A single-mom e-mailed me once about a situation with her son. She had another mom of a neighbor boy come to her door. This mother was upset because the two boys had gotten into a fight. My friend’s son apparently had hit her son, obviously an unacceptable outcome from her point of view. My friend was at odds as to what to do about her son’s behavior. She was appalled with this physical fighting and was at her wits end.

As is common for single mothers of boys, much of the typical boy behavior is confusing. James Dobson’s Bringing Up Boys has been a blessing to these mothers. He explains so much about boys, their temperament and behavior, giving these mothers a better understanding of their sons. So I shared with my friend the above facts about testosterone and it’s influence, specifically as it relates to dominance, confidence, physicality and self-esteem. I quoted, “In most combative environments, especially physical ones …,” then I emphasized, “the person with the most wins” (referring to testosterone, of course). Then to offer some comic relief (she needed something to relieve the stress) I told her, “Next time this mother comes to your door accusing your son of hitting her son, tell her [with sarcasm], ‘My son has more than yours.’”

Obviously, boys need to be taught appropriate responses when in disagreement with friends. I did not condone fighting and I emphasized that fighting is generally not acceptable. But my friend did need to understand that she was not dealing with some out-of-control severe behavioral problem. She was merely dealing with a boy. She didn’t need to take the “boy” out of him, she needed to channel his natural behavior into appropriate conduct. The testosterone-induced behavior, when properly directed, would give him healthy masculine characteristics fit for God’s design for him as a man. How’s that for a controversial statement? But we’re not looking for political correctness here. James Dobson offers this, “That brings us back to our understanding of boys. Remember that they are men-in-training. Their aggressive nature is designed for a purpose. It prepares them for the “provision and protection” roles to come.”

While I’ll have more to share about testosterone and “Guy Kinda Fun” later, let me direct you to Squires2Knights Ministries. Peruse through the website and capture the vision of bestowing Christ-centered manhood to the next generation of men. Discover a strategic plan and find the resources you need to Mentor Our Boys!

Posted on September 27th, 2008 by Jeff Purkiss
Filed under: Guy Kinda Fun